He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
