Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
