I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
