Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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