dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
