Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
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