His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Houston, we have a squirter
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
