i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
