waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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