So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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