My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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