after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
dude. I can hear the air.
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