i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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