Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
