I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
