Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
