glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
