You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
