D3 body, D1 cock
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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