i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
