The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize