I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
