I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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