i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
