are you still at the devil's house?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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