Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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