Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
