Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize