After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
