I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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