i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
