I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
420 ftw
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
