my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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