Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
