i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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