I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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