Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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