thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
