i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
