This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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