I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
