So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
