Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
