You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
