my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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