I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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