Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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