he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
