sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
