One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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