Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
