Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
