WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
