I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
