after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
