I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
