I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
