How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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