I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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