So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
