dude i'm inner monologue high
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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