I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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