Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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