Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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