Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
