I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
