Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
