Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I looked at my own cervix.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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