imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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