Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
