i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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