I don't usually arrange sex via text message
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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