Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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