U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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