"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
