How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
