I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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