I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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