so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
