I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize