I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
