were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
