idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
