so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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