Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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