Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
