You can't motorboat a personality
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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