I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
