I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
