Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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