I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
