I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize