Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
