She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
